Preparation of the Ceremony
I cordially invite each couple to meet with me if it is convenient for them to do so. However, due to distance and schedule limitations, meeting in person may not be practical or convenient for you; in which case, telephone or webcam consultations and email will be just as effective.
As no two ceremonies are alike, I will ask many questions. Based on my experience and my sense of deep caring, I will offer suggestions and many options to guide you through the creation of your ceremony step by step. As we get to know each other, I will learn precisely how you wish to share and celebrate your marriage.
I will use those idas, wishes and values that are meaningful specifically to you as a couple in the creation of your personalized ceremony. We will ensure that your traditions are honored and celebrated in a way that will have everyone feel included and comfortable.
"Please join your hearts in love and celebration"
Everyone will feel comfortable and included in an atmosphere of invitation and intimacy. Your guests are much more than observers, they are participants. Although they may not have heard these particular words before, the words and the love in the room will embrace them and feel familiar to them. This is a Loving ceremony. All will feel the most profound sense of joy as you exchange words of depth and beauty so true and perfect for you.
From the "Welcoming Address" to the "Final Presentation", you decide on every word, participant and element that you wish to include. We will review every single word together. (You may breathe easily, for there is nothing to memorize).
Many couples love my ceremonies exactly as presented - some wish to make changes and add sentiments and material of their own - many often express their relief that I do not simply "show up and read to them from a book."
Ultimately, the final result will be your personal ceremony: a meaningful, unique and graceful representation of your relationship and your marriage.
The Ceremony
This is your wedding ceremony. It is the manifestation of your dreams and your visions.
The heart of your wedding is your ceremony. Your ceremony is about yourselves, your love, your relationship and your families; reflecting who you are and what you believe. It is my wish to reflect the magic of your love back to you and all those present.
"We were touched by your spoken words and the love present in the room"
The structure of a ceremony may include:
- Processional
- Invocation**
- Welcome
- The Foundation (my words to you that speak of your relationship and marriage)
- Inclusion of Children/Blending of Families
- Honoring Parents/Flower Presentation
- Remembrance of those who have passed away
- Candle Lighting** or Sand Ceremony
- Exchange of Rings and Vows
- Wine Ceremony**
- Final Benediction**
- Pronouncement
- Breaking of the Glass
- The Kiss (hooray)
- Recessional
**these elements may be delivered without mention of God or any religious context.
Include Options That Mean The Most To You And Your Families
Candle lighting: A beautiful way to visually express the joining of two people and the radiance of their love. All will see that your union is a combination of your unique and individual lights as you symbolically form the new and greater flame that is your marriage and your relationship. Some couples may choose to incorporate their children and/or other family members in this ritual, symbolizing the joining together of their two families. This may very well be one of your favorite photo opportunities.
Celebrating the children: Whether very young or grown, your children and grandchildren may participate in an emotionally expressive opportunity to display love and joining. Please scroll to: "the blending of families" for more ideas.
Sand ceremony: On this day of beautiful rituals, symbolize your relationship in a visual and lasting token of your commitment. Like the Candle Ceremony, this graceful and very moving Sand Ceremony expresses the merging of two hearts and two lives...and, if you choose, two families. Two vessels of sand are poured by the bride and groom into a larger, clear vessel..."Notice how you are one, yet you remain as individual". As the weather will always have the final word when out of doors, there will be no need to fear a windy day with the Sand Ceremony...perfect for an outdoor setting. The sand filled vessel that you take home will be a beautiful reminder of your wedding day and the meaningful words spoken.
Offering of readings:Honor and include selected friends and family members in an important role with sentiments that are meaningful and personal to you. This ritual offers a wonderful bilingual opportunity.
Presentation of flowers: A moving declaration to honor parents and/or other loved ones. This touching ritual communicates the belief of many cultures - that marriage is the joining of not only two people, but of two families. The bride and groom will present flowers to each others' parents as an expression of their love and gratitude while visually enacting the joining of their two families. Often it is kept as a sweet secret from parents until the moment of presentation.
Blessing of the rings:"The wedding rings that you have chosen to exchange this day are a symbol of commitment and enduring love that, like this circle, is without beginning and without end"
Wine (or non-alcoholic beverage) ceremony: An ancient marriage custom which will symbolically portray your commitment to share all that the future may bring. This will be the couples' first toast to each other.
Anything you want to include:Bring your own ideas. You never need my permission. I will help to guide you in the creation of your dream ceremony.
Scroll to: "Some Examples of Interfaith and Multi-Cultural Rituals" to see a more complete list of ceremony ideas and rituals.
Anywhere you wish: I am available to perform your ceremony at a reception hall, private home, garden, beach, park, aboard ship, in a sanctuary, on a mountain top, upon a motorcycle, or wherever you would like to begin your lives together. I will be happy to offer suggestions for lovely and unique wedding sites. When in Asheville, NC, and the greater western North Carolina area, the surrounding mountains and natural beauty of this world destination site will become part of the powerful visual and spiritual setting that will frame your ceremony.
A quick and simple ceremony: I am also available to perform your ceremony within 24 hours of filing your marriage application at the Town or City Clerk's Office. You will need a marriage license, 2 witnesses and an appointment. Although you may not have had years to plan this ceremony, I promise it will be personal, meaningful and romantic. In North Carolina, if you have not chosen a site, the ceremony may take place in my home, (located 10 miles from downtown Asheville), where you will be surrounded by breathtaking mountain views. Or you may solemnize your vows in my charming and romantic office, right in the heart of downtown Asheville. In New York, we will officiate ceremonies at any location of your choice within the tri-state area and beyond.
Male Celebrant: Some family traditions are more comfortable with a male celebrant. For those who may wish to have their ceremony officiated by a man, my son Benjamin is available to do so. He is, of course, legally registered and has been working with me for more than ten years.
WHAT IS INTERFAITH?
"Please join your hearts in love and celebration". An Interfaith Ceremony celebrates that which unites us and honors our similarities and differences with respect, love and joy. Isn't it amazing that in this huge world, you found each other? I believe that is surely reason to celebrate.
Interfaith is a universal and all-inclusive approach drawing from the teaching and wisdom of many traditions. Interfaith serves the needs and wishes of those who may be religious, those who are not religious, but spiritual; those who may be of the same faith or of different faiths, cultures and belief systems as well as those who are not religious or spiritual at all, yet desire a ceremony with more depth and romance than a civil ceremony would offer. If your religious, spiritual or cultural backgrounds differ, if they are the same, or if you choose to celebrate with a non-denominational or civil ceremony - together, we will create the ceremony that will express your vision of this special day.
All faiths and philosophies are given equal respect. Traditions are woven together in a way that is inclusive, where all present will feel comfortable and included.
I often have family members of the bride and groom approach me, offering gratitude for a ceremony conducted from the heart with respect and personal care. Although they may not have heard those particular words before, the sentiments and the love in the room embraced them and felt familiar.
It has been my pleasure to work with couples and families of all faiths, combinations of faiths, cultures, backgrounds and lifestyles. Our ceremonies are always personal, romantic, heartfelt and inclusive .. honoring your beliefs and traditions.
Some Interfaith couples and their families feel it important that clergypersons representing both their faiths participate in their marriage ceremony. I am always happy to co-officiate with the clergy of their choosing, or if desired, I can offer my recommendations.
Some Examples of Interfaith and Multi-Cultural Rituals
Candle lighting, breaking of the glass, Christian unity candle, standing under the chupah, passing of the sign of peace, signing the ketubah, seven wedding blessings and the wine ritual are all a common mixture of Judeo-Christian rituals.
Psalm from the Songs of Solomon, St. Paul's letter to the Corinthians, readings from the Koran and from the Book of Common Prayer shows the universality of love, respect and faith.
Hindu elements such as exchange of garlands and the seven steps can be woven in with candle lighting and Christian prayers. Native American blessings, Buddhist rituals, Iranian sofreh, Celtic prayers, Irish wedding blessings, Chinese tea ceremony for the family exchange of the Greek Stephana (crowns), Japanese sake ceremony and Honoring of Ancestors, are all possibilities and the list continues.
Cultural elements such as African/American jumping of the broom may be a meaningful and visual way to honor a family's heritage. The beautiful thing is that there is a common denominator and they are all metaphors for honoring the love that is shared. These traditions may be represented with or without religious context. Of course, simply romantic readings and rituals may be the perfect choice for you.